Harry and the Muggles: The Muggle Song
by Colin Creevey
Summary: Parody of the Mob Song in Beauty and the Beast. This time, its sung by a bunch of drunken Muggles led by none other than our own Vernon Dursley. Slay the Muggles! Warning. Disturbing language use!


**The Muggle Song**

**Kill the Wizards**

_A/N: This is a song featuring Uncle Vernon leading a drunken mob of Muggles to destroy Wizards when Harry exposes them. This is copyright from Beauty and the Beast. Nothing, absolutely nothing, in this story is mine, except for the changed lyrics, and they're based from the original song. For citation purposes in a desperate attempt of one who has a mortal fear of lawyers to avoid plagiarism: The Mob Song: Kill the Beast. Beauty and the Beast. Disney. 1991. Directed by Kirk Wise and Gary Trousdale_. _Song by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman._ _Actor of Gaston; Richard White._

One day, Harry cracked. He's had it with keeping this secret, and letting all the Muggles think he's a criminal. He wants to tell them everything. Despite the warnings from Dumbledore and McGonagall, and threats of expulsion, he left. In disappointment, Dumbledore became hopeless and depressed, and retreated into his office.

In an attempt to sway his mind, Ron followed, only to be captured. Unfortunately, when Harry let the secret out, Vernon was drunk with all his friends at a bridge party. This is what happens when you reveal Wizards still exist when Muggles are drunk.

What happens when you mold all this together, particularly when the Muggles are those who watched and enjoyed Beauty and the Beast? Read and find out…

_**Vernon: **_

The Wizards will make out with our children.

They'll rape them in the night.

We're not safe till their dicks are hung up on my wall.

I say we slay the Wizards!

_**Muggles: **_

We're not safe till they're slain.

They'll come cursing us in days.

Out to experiment with us for their devilish magical ways.

They'll take over our free nation if we go and let them be.

_**Vernon:**_

So, it's time to take some action Brits

It's time to follow me.

Through the park

To the station

Where between nine and ten

It's abnormal but yes, it's really there

Take a gun,

Then you run

In between the two platforms

There are beings nearly impossible to bare

There's a Sorcerer

They got wands

Frigging wood ones.

In the bower

Great power for the murder

See them curse

See them cast

And we're gonna have a blast

Till they're slain

Completely slain

Slay the Wizards

**Dialogue: **

_Harry:__ No, Uncle Vernon_

_Vernon:__ If you're not normal, you're abnormal. Fetch the red head!_

_Ron:__ Give my wand back_

_Vernon:__ We can't let him have his wand to communicate. We'll scout the nation for these Wizards. Are you all with me?_

_All: __Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! _

**Drunken Muggles:**

Fetch your guns.

Bring your swords.

_**Vernon: **_

Put your body armor on

_**Muggles: **_

And we're letting Vernon Dursley lead us there

Through the bricks,

'Cross the tracks

Past the deserted countryside

There's a castle and it's neither there or here.

Inside, there are

Wizards! With great power.

We won't quit

Till they're all well and slain

We will cry!

We will chant!

Take some chances,

No we can't

We will never, ever pant.

_**Dialogue**_

_Vernon:__ We'll surround the castle and bring back their dicks!_

_Person A:__ Ooh, yuck. _

_Person B:__ Sick. _

_Person C:__ Are you serious? _

_Vernon:__ Well, ok, screw that._

_Person D:__ Yeah, damn right, you homosexual pervert._

_Person E:__ When we're finished the Wizards, you're next! Wait, are you a homophobe John?_

_**Whilst the Muggles are arguing about whether John is a homophobe or not, Harry and Ron are locked up.**_

_Harry:__ We have to warn the staff. Oh, God I feel so guilty._

_Ron:__ Yeah. You should, Harry. You really should._

_**Drunken Muggles:**_

They're different

So they're evil,

Just because they're not like us

And besides they are power-house Buzzards

Pack your arms

Do the deed

Slice them, shoot them, make them bleed

And then we'll go and chant our creed

We'll slay the Wizards!

_**Dialogue: **_

_Snape:__ I knew it was a lost cause. Potter's run off to the Muggles._

_Flitwick:__ Stop being a prejudiced, Severus. Wait, is that him?_

_McGonagall:__ Potter?_

_Flitwick:__ No, it's a bunch of Muggles!_

_Snape:__ Filth._

_McGonagall:__ They've got our Wizards_

_Snape:__ Get the Headmaster. If it's a war they want. It's a war they'll get. Who's behind me on this?_

_Vernon:__ Take whatever trinkets you can find. Remember though, the Wizards are mine!_

_**Wizards: **_

Robes are on

Wands aloft

We will charge the horde of Muggles

Unafraid simply because we're Wizards.

_**Drunken Muggles: **_

We are ready

Day is red

This night isn't for bed

And we will fight until they're dead

Slay the Buzzards

_**Dialogue: **_

_McGonagall:__ Headmaster_

_Dumbledore:__ Leave me be, Minerva_

_McGonagall:__ Headmaster. We're being invaded by Muggles!_

_**Drunken Muggles:**_

_Slay the Wizards_

_Slay the Wizards_

_Flitwick:__ We're all going to die!_

_Sprout:__ Filius, we have to do something. Try protective Charms. _

_Flitwick:__ They're too far in._

_**Drunken Muggles:**_

_Slay the Wizards_

_Slay the Wizards_

_McGonagall: What will be done Headmaster?_

_Dumbledore: It matters not, Minerva. Let them try…_

_**Drunken Muggles:**_

_Slay the Wizards_

_Slay the Wizards_

_Slay the Wizards_

And there you have it. Wizards plus Drunken Muggles plus an angry Harry Potter and a hopeless Dumbledore, and a dash of Beauty and the Beast equals a horde of angry drunken Muggles declaring war on Witchcraft and Wizardry. What will happen to the Wizards you may ask? Well, that's another story, isn't it?


End file.
